At this month’s SALON GROUP, I spoke about healing the inner child. Here is a copy of the talk. I will post an audio copy of it later today.
Healing the Inner Child
For many years I had worked hard on healing the wounds of my inner child. I’d gone to all different kinds of healers and I really thought I was finished with the spiritual work on myself. I believed I had addressed all my wounds. Then, one day I started noticing two emotional re-actions. One was that I really disliked women but especially weak women. And two, I wasn’t able to take the money that my clients were trying to hand me after a session. I was very upset so I called a friend of mine that works on helping to release inner child wounds. During my work with her we discovered that my alcoholic grandfather had molested me when I was only 4 years old. The problem was I had no conscious memory of it. I was fifty years old when I found out that my grandfather sexually abused me. After he would molest me he would put money in my hand. He gave it to me so I wouldn’t tell anyone what he’d done. I hated women because my little girl hated herself for being a weak girl that wasn’t able to stop him, and the money in my hand meant that my inner child had to keep her mouth shut when anyone hurt her. So accepting money meant I was going to be hurt and couldn’t tell anyone about it.
Every day in my work I hear similar stories of abuse from my clients. Some of the stories are worse than mine. Whether it’s mental, physical or emotional these wounds plague us throughout our lives until we heal them.
It’s very difficult to understand why these horrific things happen to such innocent beings. I often have clients ask me why God would allow such atrocities to happen. It was very hard for me to understand it too until one day I asked my spirit guides to please explain it to me. I know how difficult it is to grasp how this kind of suffering could be in God’s plan but Gods view of this world is much different than ours. In God’s eyes, every emotional experience is an opportunity for our souls to grow. God equipped all of us with an innate power to heal, so we have all the equipment we need to overcome any type of travesty to our spirit without God’s interferenced. God created us to have experiences; humans are experiential for God. The Earth plane was designed so that your painful childhood experiences would trigger the unresolved emotional patterns of your soul that you bring into each incarnation. You bring the painful patterns of your past with you into the body so you can heal the pain.
When a parent, whether inadvertent or intentional, hurts their child it triggers an old karmic pattern, which creates the opportunity to heal that wound. When a soul comes into a body it is set on automatic pilot to blame itself for any suffering it experiences. As a baby you only know the light side of the soul and you are very susceptible to anything less than light. When a child sees the darkness in their parents they know something is energetically wrong, but instead of blaming their parents, they blame themselves. Unless you heal these wounds they will plague you. The inner child and your subconscious mind will continue to manifest the same type of emotional experience that they had as a child, just so they have a chance to finally feel loved. The subconscious mind’s job is to protect the inner child. The inner child wants to heal so the subconscious creates the opportunities for it to heal. That’s why the names, faces & scenarios change as you grow older but the emotional wounds don’t. If your father was abusive to you as a child you will manifest an abusive partner that has similar characteristics as your father. If your mother is overly critical of you as a child you will manifest another relationship in your life with a partner, boss or friend that is critical. You keep manifesting those emotional opportunities until you love yourself enough to stop it. It’s like God’s giant do-over opportunity!
So, how do you heal the wounds of the inner child? You first have to realistically remember and accept that you were abused. The inner child needs to know that you acknowledge they suffered because no one else ever has. You have to let them know you understand and believe they had horrific experiences, and they need love. When you don’t do that for your inner child, you just take up where your abusive parents left off. You cannot ignore the wounds of your inner child if you ever want to be truly happy. So, how do you go about healing the wounds of the innocent?
Talk to your inner child. Imagine you are sitting on a park bench and your inner child is sitting beside you. Close your eyes and imagine you telling them that you love them over and over again. You have to tell them all the things you wish your parents had told you. Tell them you are so sorry for how they suffered. You are so sorry that no one listened to them. Tell them you are so sorry that they didn’t feel loved. Whatever it is that you wished someone had told you as a child, you need to tell your inner child. You need to be the loving, kind, compassionate parent they never had. When you are NOT giving your innocence the attentiveness it requires from a loving parent, you are missing an opportunity to heal. When you do give the aspect of yourself that has never been heard, accepted or adored the attention they deserve you are giving yourself the opportunity to connect with the Universe through your loving heart, making your life more harmonious and peaceful.
Pay attention. Give your inner child all the attention they need. Pay attention when your wounds get triggered. Recognize that your negative reaction to someone is probably coming from the wounds of your inner child. Write down every time you suddenly have an emotional reaction to anyone or anything. When you pay attention you start seeing the pattern of pain. When you see it, you can heal it.
If you suddenly become very emotional for no apparent reason, know that your inner child is trying to get your attention. Give it to them. If you’re at a grocery store and suddenly just want to spontaneously break into tears, go out to your car and break into tears! Afterwards ask your inner child if they feel better. Take the time to tell them you are there for them, tell them you love them. Pay attention when your pain is surfacing and go release it. Whatever emotion surfaces, remember that the current scenario is not creating the pain, but instead it is helping show you that you are still in pain from the past so that you can RELEASE the pain. After you release, celebrate with them that they released their wounds! Tell your inner child thank you for showing you your internal pain. If you see it, you can heal it.
Have playtime. In the moment that your parents or any other adult hurt you, you stopped being a child in that moment. Your innocence was lost. In order to get it back and fill your soul with love, you must tell them you love them but also allow them to play. They never really got a chance to have the joy a child longs for so give it to them. Take them to a park, take them to the beach, take them to Disney land or Six flags, and let them fly on a roller coaster. Think about the fun you wanted to have in your childhood and go have it!
My life definitely improved after doing that inner child healing work. But, just like the rest of you, I still have opportunities to do healing work on myself. The souls purpose in incarnating is to have deeply, moving emotional experiences. It can’t have them if you don’t allow yourself to regurgitate your emotions. Our emotions are our only truth. The mind has an agenda, our feelings don’t. Stop thinking that being emotional is a bad thing. The only way it’s bad is if you IGNORE it. If you are bawling your eyes out every day while curled up in the fetal position you consciously think you’re doing something wrong. YOU’RE NOT. Instead think you are doing something right. When you tell the Universe that you want to heal, the Universe will create opportunities for you to heal. You feel bad because the UNIVERSE listened. So, the Universe is conspiring FOR you not against you. When you change that perspective you change your earth plane experience. The entire Earth plane experience is for emotional knowledge, if you don’t look at the why you’re feeling that way, and stop judging that you’re feeling that way, you will not have gained a thing by incarnating. Get excited that you’re inner child is letting it all go. Take advantage of the opportunity for self-awareness.
The current scenario is not CREATING THOSE emotions; it is helping you release them. If you judge yourself, you shove them right back down to where they’ve been stored for lifetimes. Crying, getting angry, being frustrated are all signs that the Universe is helping you to heal. Don’t ignore the Universe! Let your inner child be your emotional guide. Listen to them because their emotions are your truth.